Level One Axioms
- A divorce is driven by psychology not law.
- Grief in the context of divorce is the same as grief in the context of death.
- Grief is experienced in stages, which begin, peak, and conclude in a predictable order.
- Both unusual behavior and painful subjective experiences are normal aspects of grief.
- When the psychological divorce is complete the legal divorce will fall into place
- Every family law lawyer should be able to document the settlement any divorce – regardless of the amount of money or the complexity of the issues – in single day.
Level Two Basic Principles
- What appear to be legal issues in a divorce are usually emotional issues in masquerade.
- Judges in courtrooms are not hired to and shouldn’t be expected to resolve emotional issues. [So they are likely to exacerbate them.]
- The parties [viz. you] have the best solutions to their own problems.
- With sufficient time to grieve and sufficient legal and economic information the couple will fashion and reach their own agreement.
- Before signing their Marital Settlement Agreement each party must believe its terms are in his or her best interests.
- The parties should be so familiar and comfortable with the terms, benefits, and concessions that make up the Martial Settlement Agreement that he or she will not have regrets the next morning or the next week or the next month or the next year or after 10, 20, or 30 years.
Level Three Synthetic Principles
- Everyone, including you and your spouse, operates with dozens, possibly hundreds or thousands of Old Beliefs about the world of facts and Old Values from the world of ideas; we are aware of some of them and unaware of many others.
- Human beings are resistant to making any changes to their existing Old Beliefs and Old Values – especially the ones they are unaware of – even if they are wrong, incapacitating, or just plain stupid.
- The sustained pain experienced during divorce may have been triggered by the Other but it’s yours. Attempts to relieve it are also opportunities to learn about yourself from it.
- When a divorcing couple reaches an impasse it will persist until either or both parties change enough of their Old Ideas and Values to accommodate resolution.
- During grief the single most effective agent of change is the passage of time.
- Divorce is such a profound experience that it changes everyone. The one thing you cannot be after divorce is the same person you were at the outset.
Your divorce is Good if you are a better person at its conclusion than you were at the outset.